My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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