I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
