I think I won the penis lottery.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize