Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We talked him into tasing himself.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We need to get me chipped asap
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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