But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
