We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
