oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Come on in and take your pants off
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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