OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize