2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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