You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
