Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
