its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
