Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
