why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
