Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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