you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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