I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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