Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
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