i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
