don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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