and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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