I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
