I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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