Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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