Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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