Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Randomize
