HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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