Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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