I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
