well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
