Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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