I murdered the dance floor call the cops
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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