You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
