I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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