thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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