P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
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