just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
