I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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