i already hear my dad disowning me
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
