anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
