i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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