used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
