I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
COCAINE IS GR8
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
