Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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