If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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