either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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