I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
They took my balls.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize