I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize
