He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
