then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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