I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
