my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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