Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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