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• (775): View more from Nevada

  I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice

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• (323): View more from California

  When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.

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• (845): View more from New York

  one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  Can vaginas get frostbite?

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• (606): View more from Kentucky

  Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.

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• (+35): View more from

  Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been

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• (319): View more from Iowa

  I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend

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