I want to walk on stilts...naked
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Damn victory sex feels great
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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