Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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