i need an iv and a liver transplant
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
