it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
