he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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