Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize