'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
