I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
