Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Randomize
