Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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