Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
