let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
