I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Damn victory sex feels great
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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