What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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