If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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