DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Drunk walkin through police station. America
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
