i barfeds in our rink
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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