whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
