Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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