I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
