how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
