If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
