My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
