I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize