Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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