my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
