In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
worst night to have a conscience
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
