belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
