dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
