miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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