i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
