Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
