Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I love having hate sex.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
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