my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
