my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
