I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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