Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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