your thong is hanging out like whoa
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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