Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
