Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
