I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize