why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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