I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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