haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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