Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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