Welp...herpes.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
