Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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