I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
