In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
