I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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