I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
