Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
