Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
At least make sure they are 18
Why
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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