Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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