There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
