I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You ruined the universe
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
