Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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