So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
