i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Let the clothes fall where they may.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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