My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
She needs sedatives and a leash
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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