I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize