if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
