i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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