i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize