He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
