So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
